Choose You has been developed and funded by Gilead Sciences Ltd for the HIV community in the UK and Ireland.

Choose to be an ally

Choose to
be an ally

Anyone can be an ally to the HIV community – whether you know someone living with HIV or not. Being an ally is a powerful step you can take to reduce HIV stigma and improve lives.

Explore real stories from people living with HIV and their allies, along with practical suggestions to help you become a more informed and supportive ally.

What does it mean to be an HIV ally?

Put simply, being an ally is being a support network, a good friend or just someone to talk to. You see them as your equal. You genuinely support them and are prepared to stand up for them. You’re there for them, during the good times and difficult times.

Even if you don’t know anyone living with HIV, you can still be an ally. All it takes is spending a bit of time to learn about HIV, sharing your knowledge with those around you and supporting any HIV events or initiatives in your local area.

Stories from
the community

Being an ally can mean something different to everyone. Explore real stories from people living with HIV and their loved ones on what being an ally means to them, as well as their top tips for easy ways to be a great ally.

These videos were developed in 2024 as part
of the Find Your Four campaign, which was created and funded by Gilead Sciences.

Ellie with her parents, Tara and Simon

We are Tara and Simon, the very proud parents of Ellie. Ellie was diagnosed with HIV in 2018 and we’ve been there to support her every step of the way.

When Ellie called to let us know she had been diagnosed with HIV, we jumped in the car and drove to her so we could be there to support her. At the time, the only knowledge we had about HIV was from the 80s when HIV was largely considered a death sentence. It was a scary time and we had so many questions. Is Ellie going to be ok? What will her future look like? Can she have children? We knew that we needed to educate ourselves if we wanted to help Ellie.

Simon remembered The Terrence Higgins Trust so while we were racing to get to Ellie, we gave them a call to get as much information as we could. In that moment, they gave us the knowledge we needed. Ellie was going to be ok, she would be able to have children without passing the virus on, and she would be able to live a healthy life.1,2

Our experience of being an ally is about being led by Ellie. We are there in whatever way she needs us to be. In the beginning, it was simply about being there for her and making sure she felt safe. It was about being on the other end of the phone, 24 hours a day if needed. Over time, the support Ellie needed evolved. Now, Ellie wants us to talk about HIV – loudly and proudly – and we’ve made that our mission.

We tell our friends, family and colleagues that anyone can get HIV, no matter your age, gender, sexuality or where you are from. We also tell them that people with HIV today are living healthy lives and that those on effective medication with undetectable levels of the virus cannot pass it on to sexual partners (U=U).3

Often when we share this information, we are met with surprise and confusion. So much of people’s knowledge of HIV is outdated, incorrect and based on what they heard during the 80s. We appreciate that before Ellie’s diagnosis, we fitted that description too. But, by educating ourselves, we’ve learned how to truly support our daughter, and we’ve seen firsthand how up to date knowledge transforms fear into understanding. When more people learn about HIV as it exists today, those newly diagnosed can face fewer barriers, less judgement and find more open arms than raised eyebrows.

Ellie’s favourite way to be an ally:
Spread the word that HIV can affect anyone. One in three people with HIV in the UK are women, and in 2023, nearly half (49%) of new HIV diagnoses in England were in people exposed through heterosexual sex.4,5

Tara’s favourite way to be an ally:
Educate yourself and once you have, educate the people around you.

Simon’s favourite way to be an ally:
Be there, and be ready for the highs, the lows and supporting them whenever they need it. There’s a lot of listening involved.

If you would like to find more support, visit the HIV support organisations page for a directory of HIV organisations to find one that’s right for you.

How to be
an HIV ally

While there are many ways to be an ally, here are some key principles of being a great one:

Trust and accept the science
People living with HIV who are on effective treatment with an undetectable viral load cannot pass the virus to sexual partners. This is known as U=U (Undetectable equals Untransmittable).3 With medication, people living with HIV can expect to live as long as someone without HIV.2 Knowing and accepting this for yourself, and educating others, is key to reducing stigma.

Listen to what they need
Being diagnosed with HIV can lead to a rollercoaster of emotions. Letting your friend or loved one take the lead and listening to what they want and need, and understanding how those wants and needs may change, is vital.

Learn about HIV
It’s normal to want to understand more about HIV and how you can provide support, but being proactive with your own learning, rather than relying on your friend or loved one for information, can mean so much to someone living with HIV. It can help to shift the ownership of education away from them, which can help to ease their mental load.

Offer sensitivity and respect
When someone shares that they have HIV it’s important they are met with love, sensitivity and respect. That means respecting their privacy and being there for them when they need you.

References

  1. Terrence Higgins Trust, 2024. Thinking about having a baby. Available on: https://www.tht.org.uk/hiv/living-well-hiv/parenthood/thinking-about-having-baby. Last accessed on: October 2026.
  2. aidsmap, 2023. Life expectancy for people living with HIV. Available on: https://www.aidsmap.com/about-hiv/life-expectancy-people-living-hiv. Last accessed on: October 2026.
  3. Terrence Higgins Trust, 2024. Viral load and being undetectable. Available on: https://www.tht.org.uk/hiv/about-hiv/viral-load-and-being-undetectable. Last accessed on: October 2026.
  4. Terrence Higgins Trust, 2018. Women and HIV: Invisible No Longer. Available on: https://www.tht.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/our-campaigns/past-campaigns/women-and-hiv-invisible-no-longer. Last accessed on: October 2026.
  5. Gov.uk, 2024. Official statistics: HIV testing, PrEP, new HIV diagnoses and care outcomes for people accessing HIV services: 2024 report. Available on: https://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/ukgwa/20250901173502/https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/hiv-annual-data-tables. Last accessed on: October 2026.
  6. House of Commons Library, 2023. National HIV Testing Week 2023. Available on: https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cdp-2023-0028/. Last accessed on: October 2026.
  7. Terrence Higgins Trust, 2024. HIV statistics. Available on: https://www.tht.org.uk/hiv/about-hiv/hiv-statistics. Last accessed on: October 2026.
  8. NHS, 2025. Prevention: HIV. Available on: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hiv-and-aids/prevention/. Last accessed on: October 2026.

Find Your Four has become Choose You

Choose You is a campaign developed and funded by Gilead Sciences Ltd for the HIV community in the UK and Ireland.

Building on the key principles of Find Your Four, Choose You encourages you to focus on what matters most to you, helping you to feel more prepared and confident to have open conversations with your healthcare team so you can be a part of informed shared decision-making about your HIV care and wellbeing.

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